Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
