She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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