wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
