I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
