i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
