Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The best revenge is premature balding
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
