Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
