you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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