Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
