if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
