whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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