I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
