My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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