I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
