There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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