wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize