he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
