My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
