I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
