if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize