If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
