Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
