I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
