I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
