i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
