if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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