Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize