dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
