I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
as a side note pls kill me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
