What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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