you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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