So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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