i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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