Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
