YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
