He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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