Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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