Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
