we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
