How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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