Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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