I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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