Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
