Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
