Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
