If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Two words: blizzard sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
