Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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