Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
