im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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