the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
