The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
