so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
