Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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