He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
