What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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