When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
