When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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