i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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