Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
