seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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