feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
