the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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