Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
