Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
