You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
