Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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