I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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