it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
