my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
this hospital has no fireball
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
