I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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