So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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