I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
