hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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